Why is it we can be our own worst enemy when it comes to leadership confidence?
Have you ever felt like you’ve landed a leadership role and immediately questioned if you’re the right person for the job? You’re not alone. Leadership confidence, or the lack of it, is a topic many of us grapple with, even seasoned leaders. It can be general or specific to a situation. It’s easy to become your own worst enemy, sabotaging yourself with self-doubt, perfectionism, or fear of failure.
These were the topics my guest Julie Smith and I discussed on the latest edition of the GOBO show podcast – Glimpses Of the Blindingly Obvious. We mulled over why this happens and, more importantly, what we can do about it.
To catch up on this podcast just click here >>
What is confidence anyway?
Confidence as an outcome is a feeling of being self-assured in your abilities in a realistic and secure way. Julie described it as self-trust. In a way, it’s a positive belief that you can accomplish what you aim to accomplish; that no matter what life or work throws your way, you’ll be able to navigate through it. It’s not about believing you can do anything but trusting that you’ll figure things out along the way. (A bit like this newsletter!)
I really liked Julie’s description of self-belief. It put me in mind of the exact opposite of a lack of confidence: over confidence The Dunning-Kruger effect is a cognitive bias. It happens when a person overestimates their actual knowledge or abilities in a specific area. Like thinking you are a great leader, when in reality you are still developing.
By contrast, those who doubt themselves often experience the opposite—they’re highly competent but lack the confidence to recognise it. You assume you need to be perfect or know everything before you can lead effectively and there are a number or elements that can, as Julie describes, act as confidence saboteurs.
What sabotages us?
I suppose the most often quoted ‘saboteur’ is imposter syndrome. We’ve all experienced it to some extent. It’s the fear of being caught out or exposed as a fraud or imposter, believing that our success is undeserved. Have you ever said to yourself, “Oh goodness, I got the job. Now what?” If you have, then you’ve likely experienced the syndrome. You feel like you are not qualified, good enough or competent even when the evidence suggests otherwise.
FOPO isn’t just a fear of failure. It’s a fear of being seen to fail.
The problem with imposter syndrome is that we ignore evidence. We attribute success to external factors like luck or other people’s help and rationalise away our own successes. This can lead to ‘panic-fuelled’ behaviour like reading every leadership book you can get your hands on, rather than calmly reflecting on what’s going well with your leadership style.
Along side this confidence diminisher is perfectionism. Setting impossibly high standards for ourselves (and then not attaining them) can be confidence sapping. Assuming you’re not an obsessive-compulsive, this tendency to be overly self-critical, needing decisions to be flawless and every interaction perfect can be a double-edged sword. It can also lead to procrastination (“I’ll get going when I have everything just right”) or, at its worst, burnout from trying to achieve the unattainable.
Perfectionists also often want other peoples approval, particularly from significant others in their lives – like your boss. This trait fuels a fear of other people’s opinion (FOPO), another confidence saboteur.
FOPO isn’t just a fear of failure. It’s a fear of being seen to fail. It’s a fear of judgement or disapproval. What will people think if I get it wrong? FOPO can paralyse you or make you hold back from speaking up, taking risks, or making decisions. It also leads people to avoiding feedback because of the of its perceived confidence crushing effect.
A common example of FOPO in the workplace is a hesitation to share creative ideas with colleagues because of worry about criticism or disapproval from team members. Leaders often hesitate to make significant decisions because they fear resistance from team members or workplace conflicts.
FOPO is insidious because fear of criticism results in low confidence and gives birth to growing self-doubt, making it difficult to showcase skills, be visible and proactive.
How can we stop being our own worst enemy?
Julie has lots of suggestions in her book, but overcoming these confidence saboteurs requires a mindset shift. It isn’t about faking it till you make it. It’s about building realistic, sustainable confidence over time. A number of strategies can help to achieve this.
Leadership confidence isn’t fixed; it grows with experience
The first of these is to separate fact from fiction. Our inner critic often tells us stories that aren’t true. “They’ll think I’m an idiot.” “I’m terrible at giving feedback.” Challenge these thoughts by asking, “Where’s the evidence?” Write down what’s going through your mind before a high stakes meeting or conversation. Then list the facts:
Thought: “I’m going to mess up this presentation.”
Fact: “I’ve spent hours preparing. I know this topic better than anyone else in the room.”
Separating fact from fiction helps you see situations more objectively and reduces the power of negative self-talk. You can reframe your thoughts by recognising your feelings of inadequacy are not facts, and that most people feel insecure and self-doubt at some point.
In our podcast conversation, Julie highlighted the importance of being “confident enough.” You don’t need to know everything or be perfect. Your work needs to be fit for purpose, not flawless. Embrace the idea that “good enough” is often good enough – especially in leadership, where adaptability and progress matter more than perfection.
Another mind shift is to focus on growth rather than perfectionism. Leadership confidence isn’t fixed; it grows with experience. Adopting a growth mindset, as Carol Dweck’s research suggests, shifts the focus from “I’m not good at this” to “I can get better with practice.” Break big challenges into smaller steps. Improve one aspect of your leadership skills at a time and celebrate small wins. Recognising and acknowledging accomplishments is a significant booster of self-confidence.
Sometimes, we can’t see our own progress, but you can look to others for inspiration. Are there leaders you admire? What do they do well? Could you adopt some of their strategies? But a word of warning from Julie. Beware of “comparisonitis” – don’t compare yourself in a way that diminishes your self-worth. Instead, use others as a source of possibility: “If they can do it, so can I.”
Psychological rewards also play a crucial role in building confidence. After tackling a challenging task or having a difficult conversation, acknowledging the effort is important. Give yourself credit for moving forward, even if it wasn’t perfect. This reinforces positive behaviour and encourages you to keep going. It’s important to practice self-care. It’s OK to feel you don’t know what you are doing from time to time. Embracing doubt, and perhaps failure from time to time, reduces anxiety and increases resilience towards others criticism.
Building confidence over time
Confidence isn’t built overnight. It’s a habit – a series of small actions and shifts in mindset that accumulate over time. As Julie mentioned in our conversation, it’s about keeping up with yourself – recognising how far you’ve come and acknowledging the skills and experience you’ve gained along the way.
One of the most powerful ways to maintain leadership confidence is to see yourself as you really are. Not the self-doubting version you imagine but the capable, growing leader others see.
Low leadership confidence is a common struggle, but it doesn’t have to hold you back. By understanding the factors that undermine your confidence and adopting strategies to build it, you can lead with greater self-trust and effectiveness.
Remember, you’re not alone in feeling this way. Leadership is a journey, and every leader—even the ones you admire—has faced moments of self-doubt. The key is to keep moving forward, one small, confident step at a time.
What is your next step in building your leadership confidence?